Data to be collected and turned over to NSA using dynamic new technology
CNW has obtained a report from the Disassociated Press revealing the hidden intent of the ENDA legislation passed in the Senate Thursday. While the purpose of ENDA is ostensibly to take away religious employers’ rights to their beliefs, the DP has discovered a lesser known passage requiring all gun manufacturers to implant optical monitoring devices in their products. Here is the offending passage:
SEC. 14. REGULATIONS.
(e) In General- Except as provided in subsections (b), (c), and (d), the Commission shall have authority to issue regulations that makers of small arms be required to install devices as described by SEC. 21(a), for the purposes included in SEC. 21(b) and (c).
Our own Constitutional expert Rand Williams examined the document. “It’s an outrage,” Williams says. “They had us so focused on the LBT or whatever thing, we never saw them come in the night and take our beautiful daughters right out from under us. And by daughters, I mean rights. ‘Daughters’ just sounds sexier. Wait, that’s not quite what I mean. You won’t put that in, will you? Mikey? I’m hanging up now. Okay, bye…”
Other conservative and libertarian pundits were not so optimistic. “We have a full-on tyranny,” said Hanes O’Gibson, founder of Conservative Steel magazine. “There’s not even an illusion anymore. They’re not even trying. Every gun owner in America should be out in the streets right now, protesting. They shouldn’t even wear clothes, and they should do a lot of drinking. Just put it out there, get in people’s faces. ‘Put me in, coach,’ that’s what my dad used to tell me. ‘Bring your Patriot face, I’ll bring mine. We’ll slap some skins, play some tummy sticks.’”
Should the provision withstand a legal challenge, it will be required that every gun manufactured post-2013 (a period of time which begins in the year 2014, coincidentally) will have a tiny camera installed in it, pumping data directly to the NSA’s Facebook page, which is in turn posted to Twitter, where it is followed by submission to StumbleUpon, and finally goes to die at Myspace.
Leftists are salivating at the news of the ENDA rider, as this kind of heinous tyranny has always been part of the Communist plot they hold so dear. The implications could be even more profound for the future of Youtube, where Russian dashboard-camera videos are wildly popular. Youtube creator Al Gore commented, “Yeah, we’d love to see those videos coming in, they’d be really popular,” before getting into his baby skin-upholstered electric Lincoln Town Car and speeding away.
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